….and then my marriage broke down, irreversibly.
The day I saw the point of no return I resigned from my church leadership team. Nobody asked me to, but I assumed it had to be done. Everyone comes from a different place on these things, but my place was black and white; I thought it would be inappropriate to continue.
I stopped leading worship too and I was hesitant about influencing anything or anyone in the ministries I’d previously flourished in.
I made a lot of wild assumptions, and when I reached the bottom of the pile I saw that the root of these assumptions was this one thought: God would never use me now.
How could he? I knew already that God wasn’t looking for the perfect daughter, but this surely put me on the discipleship scrapheap; a reject, unusable in building His kingdom.
I convinced myself that God had only needed me for ‘a season’ and that somehow in his great big plan my service had been useful, but it would no longer be required now.
I was wrong.
There was a time of consolidation yes, and healing too; a time when my gaze was cast pretty low.
But it wasn’t long before God put his finger under my chin, lifted my head and showed me things again…the same things he’d always shown me: the lost and the life giving wonder of his word.
I don’t even know how it happened, but God deployed me for action once more; doing some of the same things as before, but also some new things I never thought I’d do, like leading a teen-girls Bible study – something that used to scare me (because I wasn’t cool enough!) and speaking for Bible Society (currently scaring me!).
Sometimes our ducks are so far out of line, that we cannot imagine God using us again; changes in health, finances, location, relationships and even changes in outlook.
But in my experience God wastes nothing; our salvation cost Jesus his life; there is no discipleship scrapheap.
We’re all called to join God in His mission to build His kingdom. There are no exceptions. So if you thought (maybe even hoped!) that your change in circumstance would herald an end to your calling, I’d like to stop you right there.
Romans 11:29 tells us that God’s gifts and calling are irrevocable; so lift up your chin and listen carefully to the Holy Spirit. What is He saying to you?
I find that life is pretty humbling when your ducks are all in a pile; it changes your story in a way that can be hard to live with. But somehow that appeals to a lost world and God turns it into an unfathomable joy that has the angels in heaven celebrating.